Copyright © 1997 Walt Zientek

So, I had this Genie dream. You all know the one where Mr. Everyman, (me), is
walking along a deserted beach with his Lab. Suddenly, the dog starts digging and
uncovers an obviously enchanted lamp.

Knowing, of course, what is expected, I eagerly rub the lamp. Suddenly, after an
enormous puff of brightly colored smoke rises from the lamp, a shockingly beautiful
and shockingly clad, female Genie appears. (She looks suspiciously like a younger
and more voluptuous Barbara Eden.)

"I will grant you ONE wish, Big Boy." she tells me.

"Hey, I thought I got three!" I replied.

"You read too much." Was her retort.

"What will it be, a couple million bucks, power, your own kingdom?" she asked.

"How about changing some dog stuff?" I asked.

She sort of looked at me funny.

"What kind of Dog Stuff?" She asked. "You want some bones or something?"

"Competition." I told her.

"So, you want to win a dog competition?"

"No." I said. "I want to eliminate all competition between dogs."

The Genie looked puzzled as she ran a perfectly manicured hand through
the lushest blonde hair I had ever seen.

"Take your eyes off of my navel and explain this fiasco to me!" she commanded.

"Here's my idea," I said as I struggled to make eye contact. "I would like to have
dogs judged against the standard, not against each other. Take Labs, for example.
Any Lab with all approved clearances could be judged by a panel of three, against
the standard. The judges would explain their evaluation to the owner, the only
person allowed to handle the dog. The evaluation would include a test of the
instinctive retrieve. One judge would toss an object and the dog should react
like a Lab, and go after it. This would indicate that the dog had the instinct and
with the correct time and training, could be trained to hunt.

Only healthy dogs, with correct temperaments, basic instincts and proper clearances
could get the word Champion, before their names. Only dogs with the title 'Champion'
could be bred and have their progeny registered. No points. No Majors. No profit in
breeding for Puppy Mills. Registration would indicate quality."

"I see," said the Genie. "But what about Field Trials?" she asked.

"For those who really want to train for Field Work," I replied, "They would first
have to get their 'Champion' title. This way, only good representatives of the
Standard, could compete. And then, they compete against the course, not against
each other. You pass or you fail."

"So, under this system," the Genie said, "Show dogs have retrieving ability and
Field dogs all meet the Standard. And, registration and breeding are left to solid
examples of the Breed. Boy, are you going to tick-off a lot of people!"

"Yep," I said. "Can you do it?"

"Yes Master" she said.(I really loved that part!)

So the Genie snapped her fingers and blinked her eyes and when the smoke
cleared........

I found myself walking across my old college campus, totally naked, looking for
the room where my Final Exam was being held, realizing that I hadn't attended
class for the whole semester.

I guess that's the trouble with dreams. You just never know what you're going
to get.