Copyright © 1996 Walt Zientek

A handy glossary of Lab related terms

20. SPECIALTY -
Whatever your dog is good at, like bringing home dead rats or sleeping on the sofa.
19. BALANCE -
Ability to hold coffee, danish, leash, whistle and entry form all at once.
18. CRABBING -
What you do when the judge doesn't like the way your dog moves.
17. FORCE FETCH -
Lab drops ball under furniture, scratches at wood 'til you're forced to fetch it.
16. BLIND RETRIEVE -
When you can't see the ball under the furniture.
15. BLIND DOUBLE -
Finding two balls under same furniture.
14. PEDIGREE -
Dog food with lots of coupons.
13. MULTIPLE GENERATIONAL PEDIGREE -
What you should have read first.
12. CGC -
Canine Gastrointestinal Catastrophe (aka LABRA-GAS).
11. DISTEMPER -
Shown by hot-headed competitors.
10. OTTER TAIL -
What your dog has... if you turn down the lights and squint a little.
9. UTILITY -
The kind of vehicle you need to haul around your dogs.
8. FLY BALL -
Neutering.
7. HUNT TEST -
Measures wife's ability to find last clean bra that was lying on the bed just a minute ago.
6. LAB LOOPS -
What dog does around back yard with wifes last clean bra in mouth.
5. FIELD TRIAL -
Measures your ability to retrieve wife's no longer clean bra.
4. CRATE TRAINING -
Instructional course on putting together "easy to assemble" wire cage.
3. WINNERS BITCH -
But not as much as losers.
2. BEST OF WINNERS -
One that buys drinks after the show.

and the #1 Lab term explained...

1. BUTT TUCK -
What the handler in the stretch pants really ought to consider.