Copyright © 1996 Walt Zientek

(To the tune of 'Big Bad John')

Was a day in December when the Lab arrived
Stood higher than the standard and at least 105.
Broad through the shoulder and solid through the hip,
An AWFUL lot of food passed through the lips of Big Lab
Big Bad Lab.

Some say he came from New Orleans
Where he got into trouble in a Dairy Queen.
A load of vanilla in a frozen can
Sent a soda fountain fella to the Promised Land.
That's Big Lab... Big Bad Lab.

I'll always remember that fateful day
When the big old labber went out to play.
A bolt of lightning caused a mighty pop
And melted the wires in the Butchers Shop!
Big Lab... Big Bad Lab.

The thermostats melted and
The temperature rose.
A WICKED temptation
Made its way to the nose
Of Big Lab... Big Bad Lab.

He crashed through the window and he started to eat,
Tenderloins and chicken dogs and even pig's feet!
Gobbled the kielbasa and headed for the Wurst...
The butcher screamed, "Leave the store... the dog is gonna burst!
Big Lab... Bad Bad Lab!

Well, they never re-opened that broken store,
Just hung a paper sign on the front of the door.
These words were written, no less, no more,
"We're CLOSED because of a LABRADOR!"
That Big Lab...... Big Bad Lab.