The All-New Politically Correct Breed Standard|
For The Labrador Retriever
Copyright © 1998 Walt Zientek
(The following Standard is merely a suggestion. Feel free to exercise
your right to modify the Standard to suit your individual taste. We
apologize ahead of time, for offending ANYONE!)
General Appearance: CAN be that of a strongly built, short coupled,
very active dog. It CAN, however, be leggy, weedy, sleepy, dopey
or lazy looking. It MAY be wide over the loins, but remember, tight
abs DO indicate fitness and body-awareness.
Head: Each dog SHOULD have one. If it does, it will probably contain
two eyes, one nose and a mouth. One ear on each side would be nice,
at least for a sense of balance, but is not mandatory.
Expression: Please feel free to express yourself! It simply isn't healty
to keep things bottled up inside!
Body: Look, the Media has presented an ideal that NO ONE can live
up to. We have been brainwashed into self-loathing by these unreal
images. We will no longer be bound to such unreachable standards!
ALL bodies are BEAUTIFUL! Besides, some of us are just big-boned.
Legs and Feet: The ideal number here, is four of each, but that's not
written in stone or anything.
Tail: As this is a distinguishing feature of the breed, we have to get a
little tough on this one. (SORRY!!) We must insist that the dog has one.
Or had one. Or really really wishes that it did. (The committee is sorry
to be so rigid, but SOME members got a little bit 'testy' on this issue.)
Coats: The coat should be short, dense and free from feather, BUT,
contemporary, ethnic and cultural styles allow for individuality. Bad-
Hair days are a fact of life and 'bald' can be a political statement. If
your Lab is so Hair-Challenged that it needs to actually wear a coat,
or sweater, remember that Animal Skins are de classe.
Color: We simply shall NOT discriminate by color! Why, the very idea!
We also formally apologize for the discrimination that has occurred
in the past. We welcome Silver, Hailstone, Vanilla, Golden, Black and
Tan, Blue Merle, Pied, ASCOB, Blue, Cream, Harlequin and Mauve to
Movement: This isn't ABSOLUTELY necessary. It is simply easier if
the dog doesn't have to be carried into the ring. On the other hand, it
would be nice if those dogs who are, shall we say, 'active', could stop
moving long enough for the Facilitator to look. (Note: the word 'judge'
has been changed to 'facilitator' as it is far less judgemental.)
Weight and Size: (See: Body)
Faults: Offending Anyone.
Disqualifications: No Dog shall be disqualified for any reason. We
certainly don't want to lower anyone's self-esteem.